Why I Am Not A Celebrity

Do you know that baby shower game where you have to taste-test baby food and guess what type of food (and I use that term loosely) it is?

It is the worst baby shower game ever, right? Disgusting, I think, is the word that comes to mind. Truly gag-worthy. I cry a little when I see those label-removed mini jars come out.

So...

Can you imagine if someone told you that you had to eat 14 (FOURTEEN!!!) servings of baby food a day as a way to diet and lose a few pounds? For a part in a movie because you wanted to look just a wee bit extra toned. And you agreed to it. And then made it public knowledge. You're a lunatic, right?

Or... you're Jennifer Aniston. You know, the one that Brad Pitt divorced?

If this is what it takes to be a celebrity, count me out. Not that I have any desire what-so-ever to be a celebrity. But if I did, this would be a big red X on the negative side of the balance sheet next to the no privacy and having to wear makeup out on Saturday mornings. I mean really, is this what it takes? BABY FOOD???

It is just mind-boggling.

Toothpaste - Own It, Use It, Love It.

I listen to the radio in the morning while I get ready for work and every 30 minutes or so, between songs, there's a little celebrity gossip and amongst the normal trivial info about breakups and hookups there was a tidbit yesterday that made me gasp and choke.

Jessica Simpson does not brush her teeth every day.

I know... WHAT???? But seriously...

She said (and this is a sound bite taken from an interview on some show... maybe The View) that she doesn't like when her teeth feel slippery. She likes them to have a little something on them so they are not so slick. And she doesn't like them being so white.

That's when my gag turned into a laugh. Who doesn't want white and clean (aka slippery) feeling teeth? I mean, not the kind of white that glows in the dark, but the kind that toothpaste advertisers all put in their ads! Because the yellow-coffee-and-cigarette-stained-with-food-chunks-on-them teeth are not really high on anyone's list of sexy, are they?

And she validated her lack of tooth brushing by saying that she did use Listerine all the time and that she would... get this... use a towel to wipe her teeth off. What kind of towel fits into your mouth back to your molars? And who, when you were in kindergarten and learning all the songs about dental hygiene and brushing your teeth... who ever had the lesson on using a towel to wipe them off? I don't remember that. Disgusting. AND, no mention of toothpaste on the towel. I love toothpaste. Colgate, original. It is just the perfect amount of mintiness and you know I am a minty girl.

Anyway... back to Jessica "Hygiene-Queen" Simpson.... I am so glad I'm not her dentist. Or her boyfriend. Or her friend. Or her second cousin. Or anyone remotely close to her. Wow.

No wonder Tony Romo kept blowing football games when they were together and she would watch from the stands. He could smell her down on the field! Talk about a distraction...