A Letter To My Neighbor

Dear neighbor in my very urban neighborhood,

While I am a morning person, I prefer the soft sound of a cat quietly yawning at my feet as a wake up call and not the ear-splitting ridiculous call of your rooster just an alley away from my open bedroom window.

I know it is shocking, but I do not want to be awake at 5am on the weekends... or even on the weekdays for that matter, and your lovely bird seems to have the lungs of a giant, able to crow for several hours straight all morning!

Silly me, living in the heart of one of the biggest cities in the United States, I didn't realize that Normal Heights was prime farming land where a rooster would be necessary!!! The cement had me fooled.

Don't get me wrong, I love roosters. Seriously, I love to eat chicken. Fowl is my favorite meat and chicken is my favorite fowl and I consider roosters to be of the same yummy edible quality as regular old chickens. My big black cat, he loves chicken too. We are big time fans of chick-fil-a. Yum yum good.

Also, did you know that the freeway is a wee one block away from us? It would not be difficult to imagine how an escaped rooster could wander into traffic. So... be careful!!! Maybe you should send him away to your uncle's sister-in-law's cousin's nephew in... say... Jamul? Just to be on the safe side of course.

Sincerely,
Suzy

Common Sense

So the word on the street (yahoo news and google news) is that Evander Holyfield's wife is pressing charges against him because he hit her several times during an argument.

I'm not saying he has any right to do that. However, here's the thing... IF you marry a boxer who makes money/gains fame/gathers adoring female fans through his ability to hit other people with his fists until they pass out from the pain... why don't you think that, at some point, he won't do what comes naturally and hit you too?

I'm just sayin'...