Alone in a Crowded Room

Have you ever had that experience where you see a skit or song or commercial and it just LINGERS with you? You love it. And maybe you can't even explain why exactly? A few months ago, there was an SNL skit with Adele where 4 friends in 2019 go to a fortune teller to see what their lives will be like in 2020. That's the lingerer for me; I laugh just thinking about it.  

One woman asks if she'll live with her boyfriend - and the fortune teller says yes, she sees them crying over how much to wash a bag of chips. One man asks about travel and is told he will road trip to Kentucky and they will pee in a cup instead of using a public bathroom. One woman is told she just colors all the time - no plays, no concerts, no parties.  One is told that the other three will turn on him because he commits a huge sin - he eats inside a restaurant. This skit cracks me up so much. Every part of it is hysterical.

And here's why it lingers. IT IS MY LIFE. It's funny because it's true. 

2019: Amusement parks, Live Music, Travel, Restaurants, Parties, PEOPLE IN MY HOUSE, Good Times

2020: Coloring for Adults, Washing Groceries, Take out only, A road trip to Kentucky (ok, it was Texas but same-same.) And a whole load of kleenex.

And for months I've just thought that - it's funny because it's true. But lately it's hit me a lot harder because it's more than that. It's still funny, but it's not FUN because while these things are true for me - they are not true for what feels like 99% of the people living in my area. And what that's led to is feeling like I'm alone laughing in a crowded room of people that don't get the jokes. It's made me feel like I have to apologize to people for turning down a party invitation. Or for asking someone to wear a mask. Or for not being willing to eat inside a restaurant. It's made me bad-mouth myself, calling myself names like psycho and worry-wart and overprotective and crazy and turd... for FOLLOWING SCIENCE. And I hate that. I. Hate. That. It's the opposite of funny. 

I love Tennessee. It's green, houses are inexpensive, great schools in our town, there are so many places to explore, etc...  But also, I have cried long hard tears in the middle of the night on multiple occassions because, during 2020, I hate Tennessee. During anti-Science, hoax/conspiracy-believing racist nasty 2020 - I hate living in a state where I am screaming alone and no one hears me because they are too busy living like it's 2019.  I hate hearing/seeing people talk about how "rough" they've had it because they didn't eat in a restaurant for 6 weeks and how they had their kids home an extra 2 months last spring and that was terrible. I hate being told that "real men don't wear masks" about 8 year old boys. I hate the snarky mean facebook comments. And most of all, I hate that my sweet child is watching from the window. He sees everyone doing everything, and he is told no. It guts me when he tells people "in another YEAR I'll be able to play basketball." Not because kids aren't playing here because THEY ARE, but because his mom thinks 15 sweaty kids deep breathing in each others faces unmasked inside a building is not safe enough to say yes to during Covid. 

I have tried to not judge. To know that every situation is unique. And I don't really know everything going on with people. Many people, especially parents, are making hard choices. And I get that. But I also know that I feel incredibly judged all of the time. Not just in my mind, but through actions and statements from strangers, aquaintances and friends. So in the middle of the night, sobbing on the floor, as 2021 becomes act 2 of 2020... I need a new funny skit to linger on that doesn't cut so close to my bleeding heart.

Travel Stories from Budapest

In the past I've kept a travel journal, but I'm too tired these days to do that - so I'm just going to blog a few cool things that have happened here in Budapest on this trip so far. For my own record so I can look back. For your enjoyment to read about. Just because I can type faster than I could ever write it all out by hand and I can type in the dark on a laptop while Jason and Brandon sleep. Because that's my free time.

Traveling 24 hours with an 18 month old:
We left home at 5:30am, got to the airport at 6am two hours early, flew to Seattle (3 hrs plus 3 hr layover) then to Amsterdam (10 hrs plus 2 hr layover) then to Budapest around noon - getting to the hotel around 130pm. With an 8 hour time difference that is a 24 hour trip. Mostly it was good. Because we were smart enough to trudge along a car seat to Europe. When Bran fell asleep right away on the 10 hr flight I was a moron and watched Frozen instead of sleeping immediately too... and then regretted it when he woke up after only 2 hours and stayed awake the next 6 hours of the flight... but they had lots of good movie choices so it wasn't too bad. It just meant I had to execute my mom super-power of being able to function on hardly any sleep. It also meant that on the change in Amsterdam Brandon was walking through the terminal and just spontaneously stopped to lay down on the floor of the airport. Gross, right? He did it 4 times. I gag a little thinking about it but what are you supposed to do? We got him up and kept going.

Meals:
Our first day we stopped by a little place to have a quick dinner near the hotel. They had gyros. When we bit into them... they were tacos. Shredded beef tacos. Delicious. But really... as Jason said... we flew 8000 miles to have tacos in Budapest?
Our second day we had Goulash for lunch - amazing. Brandon slept through the whole lunch in his stroller. It was his nap time *kind of* so no huge shock. But then at dinner that night he did it again - he got in the highchair looking awake and by the time the food came he was out cold, sleeping with his head on his arms on the table. Cute. Jetlagged and cute.
So lunch day 3... Brandon finally was awake for a restaurant meal (as opposed to the breakfast of cereal and bananas in our room)... and he went for it. Making friends with the entire wait staff, being a total ham. And he tried duck (loved it) for the first time. I did not mention anything about it being the Quack Quack type of duck. He also had a strawberry ice cream cone afterwards which was about 50% on his face, 50% in his mouth. Also loved it, especially being able to hold the cone himself.

Park:
We were on the Buda side up on the hill looking out at the view of Pest across the river and suddenly Brandon just started saying "weeee" over and over and pointing. And there, behind a wall with just a peek of it visible in spots - was a playground. Because "weeee" is the sound you make on a swing so that must be also what a swing is called now. So we went to the park and had a great time playing. Brandon loved all of the tiny rocks - so much that we found a couple in his diaper hours later.

Rock Star:
We were in this huge market - three levels of food, crafts, books, toys, meats, cheeses, cookies, fruits, paprika in every shape and flavor and size, dead sheep heads, you name it. Anyway walking through this market the women were just swooning over him. It was insane. They were coming out and talking to him, waving at him, playing peek-a-boo, coming out of their booths to see him, giving him stuff, etc... And he was working it - laughing, smiling, waving, and downright flirting with them. I have never seen anything like it. Rock star I tell you. He might be too young to remember this but I will never forget it.