Helloooooo February!

Oh January, what did I do to make you so mad?

First you welcome me with a four week ugly viral rash from neck to tail. I know I get cold a lot, but I don't need to feel burning hot that way, especially with the itching and exhaustion attached. I do appreciate how it gave me such gratitude for a hot shower though... since I couldn't take one all month.

Did you feel bad about making me so heated, so you decided to freeze me with the trip to the 'lady doctor'? Thanks for getting me to the doctor twice so soon in the year, by the way, so that I could discover exactly how much my insurance went downhill this year.

Were you wanting to peek in on my misery? Is that why you had the roof leak? The big chunk of ceiling peeling away in the living room has really added character. Super great bonus!

I thought you had finally gotten over whatever 'beef' you had with me... but then you used beef to knock me out with food poisoning. You thought you were clever, but luckily my arsenal was stocked with toothpaste and toilet paper not to mention that I had the delivery boy on standby bringing me Gatorade.

And the clogged kitchen sink: Drano and leftovers never-going-down-an-inch-stinky-pool in my kitchen - thanks extra for dinging me with that on a weekend. Good thing the plumber was so prompt coming right at 945pm on Monday night, only 14 hours after I called.

I guess you felt that I needed just one more slam on the last day of your visit, so you punched me in the eye. You sure are a sneaky one because I don't even know how you did it! But let me tell you, the bruised eyeball is just a delight and so ladylike. One more time luck was on my side as I was prepared having had my third doctor's appointment of the month - the eye doctor - so I had new glasses to slip on when my contact lens rejected the idea of being so close to my gross eyeball.

So I ask you: Why? Was I just a little too happy and healthy? Whatever I did to you - I'm sorry!!! But not sorry enough to want you to stick around anymore. I'm ready for February who promises me rainbows and kittens and dark chocolate with sprinkles.

Suzy

To Whom It May Concern

Dear August,

As you know, May was gray and June was gloomy, but that is what we have come to expect from those months, they were at least predictable in their chilly attitudes. Your friend July, however, was a big disappointment spending her time being colder than ever before. Still I had faith that when you arrived you would bring with you sunshine and happiness. How wrong I was. You have brought only illness and more cold.

I plead with you. My tan is more faded than an Ohioan in winter, my beach chair has forgotten what it feels like to be planted in warm sand, and my boogie board is now afraid of the water it has been so long.

Please, stop this nonsense already. Bring on the California sunshine. And while you're at it, talk to your friend September. Remind her that she is beautiful and warm too.

Affectionately yours,

Suzy