Haiku on a Thursday

It's been awhile since my last poem posting, so I thought I'd share some experiences from this week in my favorite way - Haiku.

SOUTHWEST

A call every day

Thirty minutes of crap ads

Blaring in my ear

SKI PANTS

Please fit tomorrow

When I put you on over

Warm flannel leggings

BASEBALL/FANTASY BASEBALL

The season starts soon

Bob wants me to start mock drafts

Trophy here I come

Random Thoughts

1. Scott Lago shouldn't've been asked to leave Vancouver. Sheesh. It should be common sense - if the picture is of an Olympian celebrating and you think there is even the slightest chance that something could be seen as not something that Queen Elizabeth would find pleasant to look at, then don't publish the picture. :)

2. I have 20 books under my bed. I thought there would be 2 or 3 that had drifted from the mini pile next to my bed. I greatly miscalculated!!! How do they fling themselves off the short stack and under the bed? It's weird.

3. Why haven't I got my tax refund yet? It's February 21. I filed my taxes 3 weeks ago!!! Is this a sign that the IRS doesn't have any money to give out? The government seems to have money to give out to lots of other people...

4. My dad just got his first email address. I wonder if he'll be joining facebook soon too?

5. How long do girl scouts sell their cookies? I need those things out of sight. It's very difficult to go to the grocery store and buy a sensible snack like carrot sticks when you have to walk past the lure of the little girl and her yummy cookies. Thin mints. Who doesn't love em?

Eye of the Tiger

I'm watching the men's halfpipe of the Olympics on TV.

It's the finals.

It's the 2nd/final run and there are two skiers left... Shaun White and Scott Lago.

The standings are Shaun White in 1st, some other guy in 2nd, Scott Lago in 3rd....

Scott Lago is at the top ready to go, knowing he already has the bronze but could potentially move up to silver (or gold, but let's be real)...

That's when it happened.

The commentator said "As some of us in the business like to say, he needs to reach down deep for the eye of the tiger."

uh.... what?

Was he trying to break the tension by creating humor? I mean, seriously?

reach down deep for the EYE OF THE TIGER???? What, exactly, is the eye of the tiger?

I played the song "Eye of The Tiger" in 5th grade on the piano at the elementary school recital. A long long time ago. So many years ago that Scott Lago was not even born. It was 1984/85. He was born in 1987.

There's also a gem called Tiger Eye. Sometimes I like to use tiger eye beads when I make a necklace.

Those are my only two experiences with eyes of tiger.

Maybe he meant when Tiger Woods gives a girl the eye and she can't resist and becomes mistress number 14?

Mysterious.

And hysterical!

Common Sense

So the word on the street (yahoo news and google news) is that Evander Holyfield's wife is pressing charges against him because he hit her several times during an argument.

I'm not saying he has any right to do that. However, here's the thing... IF you marry a boxer who makes money/gains fame/gathers adoring female fans through his ability to hit other people with his fists until they pass out from the pain... why don't you think that, at some point, he won't do what comes naturally and hit you too?

I'm just sayin'...

In Honor of V Day...

... some things I love this week:

1. Snow skiing on a sunny day with a fellow dare-devil. FANTASTIC weather this weekend and perfect snow conditions, what more could a girl ask for? I also discovered how dreadlocks are made: wild hair whipping in the wind + goggles-band + scarf = dreadlocks.

2. The Olympics. I loved the opening ceremonies. I think winter Olympics are my favorite!!! Bring on the ice skating and the moguls and the ski jump. How do they do that, by the way - the ski jump with the acrobatics in the air. Unbelievable.

3. The fact that my friend Nan had a bird fly down her chimney and I am not the only one with such weirdness happening to them! Mine was a pigeon, hers was a small bird... but still... birds down chimneys = common after all.

4. Blueberry coffee from 7-11. Try it. You'll love it. Not that I drink coffee anymore... I'm an herbal tea girl now. But, just in case I was drinking coffee a little bit, I might be drinking the blueberry coffee from 7-11. Maybe.

5. The Bachelor. I know it is trashy TV, but I love it. So entertaining. Plus they went to St Lucia for the fantasy dates and that is my favorite island. Seeing it made me want to go back for a visit. I could definitely stay at Le Sport. In case anyone has a free vacation just laying around.

Ode to a Robe

Oh purple fluffy robe,
I think you are amazing.
You keep me warm and cozy even when my house is freezing.

Your collar comes up to keep my neck from the cold.
Your pocket is deep to hold my cell phone.

Your belt is long enough my cat thinks it is a toy.
Your fuzziness and color bring me happiness and joy.

Oh purple fluffy robe,
I think you are amazing.
You keep me warm and cozy even when my house is freezing.

Interesting Food Tips

From my kitchen to yours...

1. If you get some lite cool whip and at the stage where it is halfway between frozen and defrosted, you take a spoon and stir it up like crazy... it becomes something like marshmallow fluff. AND it will stay that way as long as you refrigerate it, but still at low low calories.

2. Unlike beef jerky, turkey jerky stays soft for a long time, even after you open it. And cats think they want to try it, but they really don't... they just want to get really up close to you and sniff it while you eat it.

3. When you're starving, even the frozen vegies in your freezer in the "steam itself" bag look tasty. Ok, that's a lie. They still look unappealing. You should always try to have something tasty in your freezer for those "emergency" hunger strikes when you're too lazy to go to the grocery store. I recommend Lean Pockets Pepperoni Pizza. Seriously.

4. Suzy Q's can go stale before the date marked on their package. It's a crime.

5. The large bag of pancake mix at Costco is a lot larger than it looks. Unless you have 10 kids or plan to eat pancakes every day, it'll expire before you can use it all.

6. Vegie Chips. Air puffed into a vegie paste to make it look like a potato chip... who knew they could be so good?

7. Crock pot. Frozen Meatballs. Grape Jelly. Catsup. Turn it on, walk away, come back to deliciousness.

8. If you serve alcohol before you serve dinner, people will be more likely to love your dinner.

9. Bananas should only be considered mini-fruit. They don't have juice. If you feel like a fruit, go for an orange or something juicy - you'll be glad you did. But use one of those peelers on the orange because the oil from the rind can get into your eye and hurt like crazy.

10. Do not microwave fish to reheat it. Take 5 minutes to heat it up in a pan instead - you'll be glad you did, and so will all of your neighbors when they don't have to smell the microwaved fish nastiness coming out your windows and from your clothes.

Popcorn Madness

Why do microwaves have a popcorn button when it is never the right amount of time?

I popped a bag at home. My microwave's "popcorn" setting is for 1 min 45 seconds. It burnt my entire bag and stunk up my house. I had to make a second bag where I discovered that 1 min 30 seconds is apparently the magic amount of time.

I popped a bag at work where the microwave "popcorn" setting is for 2 minutes. Only about 1/4 of the bag popped... total waste!!! It seems like the work microwave needs a good 3 1/2 minutes or more to make the perfect popcorn bag.

What is this conspiracy????

What's the point of having a "popcorn" button on the microwave if it never actually makes the popcorn correctly? Is this a secret push from the microwave companies for us as a society to go back to the old ways of making popcorn in a pan over the stove? Were they paid off by Canola?

I have a popcorn pan and I know how to use it. It is probably a little healthier. I like popcorn popped on the stove, it reminds me of my Grandpa.

But still... what a waste of a button on the microwave.

Over/Under of Cover Bands

There should be a law.

If you are a cover band, you must dress as authentically as possible and if that means a bad mullet wig, a ripped t-shirt and tight spandex glitter-pants with a star on the crotch - SO BE IT!

What a difference an outfit makes. It stirs up the crazy-town energy of the crowd. Not to mention that since it is a cover band and not the "actual" band, you can go see them at a venue that holds 300 instead of 30,000. At a small venue you can actually get to the front by the stage and maybe... you know... touch the singer's leg. Once or five times... I'm just saying - it is easier to get into it when you are close up and personal and when the band is in full character dressed to the hilt.


There should be another law.

If a lead singer needs a break in the middle of a set, NO "guitar solos" or 10-minute-guitar-riffs allowed. Period. Because seriously... no one likes them.

Admit it, unless you are an electric guitar player and you are envious of the 'talent' - you hate them too. I was there, rockin' out to a Van Halen cover band and the entire crowd was pumped up and full of energy. The lead singer obviously needed a little break. The guitarist played his way-too-long riff/solo/annoyance. You could feel the energy drain from the entire room. I was up next to the stage and I turned around and slowly scanned the crowd. No one looked excited or happy. Not one person. Irritated, yes. And bored. And like the entire crowd was sending up a little prayer to whatever god controls hair band cover bands that the lead singer would come back out and save us all.

I feel vindicated. I always am ashamed to admit I hate guitar riffs. But not anymore. I was there. I felt it.

So here it is, my over/under for Cover Bands -

Guitar Riffs -
Overrated

Glitter Spandex and Mullet Blonde Wigs -
Seriously Underrated

Who knew???