Dear August,
As you know, May was gray and June was gloomy, but that is what we have come to expect from those months, they were at least predictable in their chilly attitudes. Your friend July, however, was a big disappointment spending her time being colder than ever before. Still I had faith that when you arrived you would bring with you sunshine and happiness. How wrong I was. You have brought only illness and more cold.
I plead with you. My tan is more faded than an Ohioan in winter, my beach chair has forgotten what it feels like to be planted in warm sand, and my boogie board is now afraid of the water it has been so long.
Please, stop this nonsense already. Bring on the California sunshine. And while you're at it, talk to your friend September. Remind her that she is beautiful and warm too.
Affectionately yours,
Suzy
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Crazy Like A Wenus
There we were, three Kuchtas at the Padre game innocently booing the Dodgers when we saw the most unbelievable thing ever.
Was it a perfect game? An in-the-park home run? Manny Ramirez actually playing great defense? NO!!!
It was a tattoo.
A tattoo of a kitty.
A tattoo of a hello kitty.
A tattoo of a hello kitty right above a girl's wenus!!! (google it if you don't know)
So I laughed and leaned in closer. I mean what kind of person gets a tattoo of hello kitty, right? And that's when I saw it.
The kitty had a mustache!!! A big handlebar mustache!!!
Can you imagine going into a tattoo parlor and saying "excuse me, but you sir with the spikes out of your head and skulls and snakes on your neck... Can you draw a hello kitty for me? On my arm right here by my wenus? Oh, and add a handlebar mustache please."
Are you serious??? That chick has some guts! So here it is, a snuck picture of her mustachioed kitty wenus.
Was it a perfect game? An in-the-park home run? Manny Ramirez actually playing great defense? NO!!!
It was a tattoo.
A tattoo of a kitty.
A tattoo of a hello kitty.
A tattoo of a hello kitty right above a girl's wenus!!! (google it if you don't know)
So I laughed and leaned in closer. I mean what kind of person gets a tattoo of hello kitty, right? And that's when I saw it.
The kitty had a mustache!!! A big handlebar mustache!!!
Can you imagine going into a tattoo parlor and saying "excuse me, but you sir with the spikes out of your head and skulls and snakes on your neck... Can you draw a hello kitty for me? On my arm right here by my wenus? Oh, and add a handlebar mustache please."
Are you serious??? That chick has some guts! So here it is, a snuck picture of her mustachioed kitty wenus.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
A Trashy Story
I was making Sangria and cutting up all that fruit made me want to take the trash out so the fruit-guts wouldn't seep all over. Reasonable, right? And since I am a smarty, I decided to multi-task and take all of the trash down at the same time and then take a quick drive to the redbox and return The Wrestler and She's Out Of Your League. Odd combo, but both worth the $1.25 rental cost. By the way, not the redbox on the corner, the one 0.6 miles away that had Big Fan available per my iPhone app - thus the drive.
So here I am in my yoga pants and t-shirt with the wine stain (aka the cooking shirt) and I gathered up my three trash bags - fruit guts, bathroom, and used kitty litter. I grabbed my purse and movies and locked the door and started down the stairs. That is when it happened.
The plastic handle on the bag of kitty litter broke and the bag dropped on the third step from the top and literally exploded all the way down the steps. Every step all the way down had litter clumps of cat pee and the kitty-roca-turds scattered. It was a masterpiece of epic proportions, getting as much distance and separation as possible.
I did what any sane person would do, I put my purse and other two bags down in front of my door and went inside to get a broom, dust pan, and new bag and then painstakingly picked up every piece of wayward litter. I finished at the bottom step and not wanting to risk another bag-plosion, I left the broom and dustpan at the bottom of the steps and took the new litter-trash out the back gate to the dumpster.
That is when I realize that my gate key was in my purse (dang the yoga pants lack of pocket) and my purse was sitting in front of my front door alongside my fruit-gut trash bag and bathroom trash bag.
My broom and dustpan sat at the bottom of the stairs, mocking me from within the gates. I yelled. I shook the gate. I cried. And then I said a silent prayer that I had been wise enough to take the extra minute to put a bra on which doesn't always happen when it's just taking out the trash.
After a long 10 minutes, I saw a glimmer of hope. There riding up on his bike to the front gate was my neighbor! My heart sank though when he yelled to me "I forgot my gate key, can you help?" Seriously? So there we were, two idiots at opposite gates yelling to each other and waiting until another neighbor finally came and rescued us.
My purse, keys, bathroom trash, and fruit guts were all patiently waiting for me at the top of the stairs.
So here I am in my yoga pants and t-shirt with the wine stain (aka the cooking shirt) and I gathered up my three trash bags - fruit guts, bathroom, and used kitty litter. I grabbed my purse and movies and locked the door and started down the stairs. That is when it happened.
The plastic handle on the bag of kitty litter broke and the bag dropped on the third step from the top and literally exploded all the way down the steps. Every step all the way down had litter clumps of cat pee and the kitty-roca-turds scattered. It was a masterpiece of epic proportions, getting as much distance and separation as possible.
I did what any sane person would do, I put my purse and other two bags down in front of my door and went inside to get a broom, dust pan, and new bag and then painstakingly picked up every piece of wayward litter. I finished at the bottom step and not wanting to risk another bag-plosion, I left the broom and dustpan at the bottom of the steps and took the new litter-trash out the back gate to the dumpster.
That is when I realize that my gate key was in my purse (dang the yoga pants lack of pocket) and my purse was sitting in front of my front door alongside my fruit-gut trash bag and bathroom trash bag.
My broom and dustpan sat at the bottom of the stairs, mocking me from within the gates. I yelled. I shook the gate. I cried. And then I said a silent prayer that I had been wise enough to take the extra minute to put a bra on which doesn't always happen when it's just taking out the trash.
After a long 10 minutes, I saw a glimmer of hope. There riding up on his bike to the front gate was my neighbor! My heart sank though when he yelled to me "I forgot my gate key, can you help?" Seriously? So there we were, two idiots at opposite gates yelling to each other and waiting until another neighbor finally came and rescued us.
My purse, keys, bathroom trash, and fruit guts were all patiently waiting for me at the top of the stairs.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
When Lunch.... Isn't.
Have you ever been shopping in Target, looking for a bathing suit because your friends laughingly pointed out to you at the *end* of a day that you spent walking around in your bathing suit while at Glen Ivy Day Spa that your bathing suit was, in fact, so used that it was completely see through in the butt and then gently (or, really, not gently) told you it was time, even though you loved that bathing suit, to let it go and get a new one?
Well, I have.
So... that brings me to Target and bathing suit shopping after work one day which is torture in itself because, let's face it, those lights in Target are not flattering for anyone and it is way too late in the season to have any good selection of suits and the cute ones are all mismatched - you find a top, but not a bottom... a bottom, but not a top... and so it goes. Plus, you know, you are TRYING ON BATHING SUITS. Anyway, I digress...
There I was, going into the dressing rooms, and those two sales girls who always seem to have nothing to do but hang out in the dressing room area and refold the same shirt 100 times while they talk constantly about nothing? Well, girl A said to girl B "Are you going to lunch now?"
It was just after 645pm. Who eats lunch at nearly 7 at night? LUNCH! I get that you have a job where you work from 3pm to 11pm and that stinks, but your "break" is not "lunch" it is just a break away from work that is required by law and if you really need to label it as a meal, why not "dinner" since it is SIX FORTY-FIVE P.M.
I'm just saying.
Maybe I was traumatized by the bathing suit experience... but... I dunno. I've overheard this same nocturnal-lunch discussion (ie... "when is your lunch break" "are you going on lunch now" "are you ready to take lunch") in other stores too (Kohl's) and it always startles me when it is clearly night time and a good 6 or 7 hours past when I myself had lunch.
Have I been working day shifts too long? Am I tainted? Does that question make you hum "Tainted Love" in your head?
Target. Giving me things to ponder about on a regular basis.
Well, I have.
So... that brings me to Target and bathing suit shopping after work one day which is torture in itself because, let's face it, those lights in Target are not flattering for anyone and it is way too late in the season to have any good selection of suits and the cute ones are all mismatched - you find a top, but not a bottom... a bottom, but not a top... and so it goes. Plus, you know, you are TRYING ON BATHING SUITS. Anyway, I digress...
There I was, going into the dressing rooms, and those two sales girls who always seem to have nothing to do but hang out in the dressing room area and refold the same shirt 100 times while they talk constantly about nothing? Well, girl A said to girl B "Are you going to lunch now?"
It was just after 645pm. Who eats lunch at nearly 7 at night? LUNCH! I get that you have a job where you work from 3pm to 11pm and that stinks, but your "break" is not "lunch" it is just a break away from work that is required by law and if you really need to label it as a meal, why not "dinner" since it is SIX FORTY-FIVE P.M.
I'm just saying.
Maybe I was traumatized by the bathing suit experience... but... I dunno. I've overheard this same nocturnal-lunch discussion (ie... "when is your lunch break" "are you going on lunch now" "are you ready to take lunch") in other stores too (Kohl's) and it always startles me when it is clearly night time and a good 6 or 7 hours past when I myself had lunch.
Have I been working day shifts too long? Am I tainted? Does that question make you hum "Tainted Love" in your head?
Target. Giving me things to ponder about on a regular basis.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Temptation
Here it is in one little word - iPhone.
Seriously... How did I live without one? And more importantly, who will do my laundry while I am too distracted by my phone?
It is so beautiful in it's little purple case...
I think I could be a tech-geek! But probably not. After all I am still resisting cable...
Seriously... How did I live without one? And more importantly, who will do my laundry while I am too distracted by my phone?
It is so beautiful in it's little purple case...
I think I could be a tech-geek! But probably not. After all I am still resisting cable...
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Alumination
You know the advertisement section of facebook - over on the right side of the home page where the powers that be try to guess who you may or may not be friends with just because you have a friend or two in common? Well, I've noticed the same name popping up over and over again. YHS Alumini.
The more high school people I become facebook friends with, the more pushy facebook gets that I should, in fact, also be friends with YHS Alumini. We have 12 friends in common. I'm not sure who it is that started this page, but there are 2,317 people who are currently facebook friends with YHS Alumini.
It would, in theory, be a nice way to touch base and maybe re-find some old friends. However... I'm not quite sure what an Alumini is. It sounds like something you wrap your fish in before you put it on the grill. Or maybe a secret society like the Illuminati. Or what a light bulb does to a dark room. It doesn't sound like high school graduates.
Do you think I should email this girl and let her know that the word is really alumni? Is it possible that she isn't aware? Or would I just be embarrassing her?
I mean... I get it... misspelling a word here or there... it's natural... but *come on* it is the *name* of the page! You are representing Yucaipa, home of chickens, skunks and flies. And, apparently, Alumini.
The more high school people I become facebook friends with, the more pushy facebook gets that I should, in fact, also be friends with YHS Alumini. We have 12 friends in common. I'm not sure who it is that started this page, but there are 2,317 people who are currently facebook friends with YHS Alumini.
It would, in theory, be a nice way to touch base and maybe re-find some old friends. However... I'm not quite sure what an Alumini is. It sounds like something you wrap your fish in before you put it on the grill. Or maybe a secret society like the Illuminati. Or what a light bulb does to a dark room. It doesn't sound like high school graduates.
Do you think I should email this girl and let her know that the word is really alumni? Is it possible that she isn't aware? Or would I just be embarrassing her?
I mean... I get it... misspelling a word here or there... it's natural... but *come on* it is the *name* of the page! You are representing Yucaipa, home of chickens, skunks and flies. And, apparently, Alumini.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Conspiracy In The Beauty Aisle
I had an eye infection. If you've never had one, here's the gist of what happens... your eye hurts, you go to the doctor, you use antibiotic eye drops, you go without a contact lens for a week, and POW you're good to go again. Easy breezy beautiful.... right?
But hold up a second Cover Girl. That is not the end of the experience. You then have to dispose of all of your eye makeup and then repurchase new stuff. Because I'm a low maintenance girl, for me that is only three products: mascara, eyeshadow, and eyeliner. I went to replace these three products from the beauty-store-galore, Target expecting to pay around $35 total.
However... there seems to be a conspiracy in the beauty aisle because.... the eyeshadow I love... the one that looks perfect on my eyes... that makes me feel cute... is no longer. The product has, apparently, been discontinued. Why? No reason. My simple pack of three perfect colors has been replaced by a pack of ten colors - some of which should never be on an eyelid, each portion of which is tiny and crammed in tight next to the others. I'm not spending $11 on that.
*sigh*
I went on a hunt and tried to find, amongst the other brands, a shadow trio that was similar to what I had. I thought that I found one... but when I brought it home and used it it was horrid! It was... sparkly. Like my eyes were all a-glitter. Let me just advise... if you have ANY eye wrinkles what-so-ever... adding glittery eye shadow is like putting a big arrow straight to your crows feet. Plus, glitter is for crafts, not eyeshadow.
Back to Target, repeating this buy, try, be horrified... process. And as you can imagine this starts adding up financially!!!
Is this a conspiracy? Could it be that all of these makeup companies are in cahoots with each other and do this constant discontinuation of products intentionally so innocent people like me end up buying a lot of new stuff from various brands trying to find something that works?
Has this happened to you too? Because this is not the first time it has happened to me!!!
What's your thought... conspiracy... or do I just like products that are unpopular?
But hold up a second Cover Girl. That is not the end of the experience. You then have to dispose of all of your eye makeup and then repurchase new stuff. Because I'm a low maintenance girl, for me that is only three products: mascara, eyeshadow, and eyeliner. I went to replace these three products from the beauty-store-galore, Target expecting to pay around $35 total.
However... there seems to be a conspiracy in the beauty aisle because.... the eyeshadow I love... the one that looks perfect on my eyes... that makes me feel cute... is no longer. The product has, apparently, been discontinued. Why? No reason. My simple pack of three perfect colors has been replaced by a pack of ten colors - some of which should never be on an eyelid, each portion of which is tiny and crammed in tight next to the others. I'm not spending $11 on that.
*sigh*
I went on a hunt and tried to find, amongst the other brands, a shadow trio that was similar to what I had. I thought that I found one... but when I brought it home and used it it was horrid! It was... sparkly. Like my eyes were all a-glitter. Let me just advise... if you have ANY eye wrinkles what-so-ever... adding glittery eye shadow is like putting a big arrow straight to your crows feet. Plus, glitter is for crafts, not eyeshadow.
Back to Target, repeating this buy, try, be horrified... process. And as you can imagine this starts adding up financially!!!
Is this a conspiracy? Could it be that all of these makeup companies are in cahoots with each other and do this constant discontinuation of products intentionally so innocent people like me end up buying a lot of new stuff from various brands trying to find something that works?
Has this happened to you too? Because this is not the first time it has happened to me!!!
What's your thought... conspiracy... or do I just like products that are unpopular?
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Why I Am Not A Celebrity
Do you know that baby shower game where you have to taste-test baby food and guess what type of food (and I use that term loosely) it is?
It is the worst baby shower game ever, right? Disgusting, I think, is the word that comes to mind. Truly gag-worthy. I cry a little when I see those label-removed mini jars come out.
So...
Can you imagine if someone told you that you had to eat 14 (FOURTEEN!!!) servings of baby food a day as a way to diet and lose a few pounds? For a part in a movie because you wanted to look just a wee bit extra toned. And you agreed to it. And then made it public knowledge. You're a lunatic, right?
Or... you're Jennifer Aniston. You know, the one that Brad Pitt divorced?
If this is what it takes to be a celebrity, count me out. Not that I have any desire what-so-ever to be a celebrity. But if I did, this would be a big red X on the negative side of the balance sheet next to the no privacy and having to wear makeup out on Saturday mornings. I mean really, is this what it takes? BABY FOOD???
It is just mind-boggling.
It is the worst baby shower game ever, right? Disgusting, I think, is the word that comes to mind. Truly gag-worthy. I cry a little when I see those label-removed mini jars come out.
So...
Can you imagine if someone told you that you had to eat 14 (FOURTEEN!!!) servings of baby food a day as a way to diet and lose a few pounds? For a part in a movie because you wanted to look just a wee bit extra toned. And you agreed to it. And then made it public knowledge. You're a lunatic, right?
Or... you're Jennifer Aniston. You know, the one that Brad Pitt divorced?
If this is what it takes to be a celebrity, count me out. Not that I have any desire what-so-ever to be a celebrity. But if I did, this would be a big red X on the negative side of the balance sheet next to the no privacy and having to wear makeup out on Saturday mornings. I mean really, is this what it takes? BABY FOOD???
It is just mind-boggling.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Toothpaste - Own It, Use It, Love It.
I listen to the radio in the morning while I get ready for work and every 30 minutes or so, between songs, there's a little celebrity gossip and amongst the normal trivial info about breakups and hookups there was a tidbit yesterday that made me gasp and choke.
Jessica Simpson does not brush her teeth every day.
I know... WHAT???? But seriously...
She said (and this is a sound bite taken from an interview on some show... maybe The View) that she doesn't like when her teeth feel slippery. She likes them to have a little something on them so they are not so slick. And she doesn't like them being so white.
That's when my gag turned into a laugh. Who doesn't want white and clean (aka slippery) feeling teeth? I mean, not the kind of white that glows in the dark, but the kind that toothpaste advertisers all put in their ads! Because the yellow-coffee-and-cigarette-stained-with-food-chunks-on-them teeth are not really high on anyone's list of sexy, are they?
And she validated her lack of tooth brushing by saying that she did use Listerine all the time and that she would... get this... use a towel to wipe her teeth off. What kind of towel fits into your mouth back to your molars? And who, when you were in kindergarten and learning all the songs about dental hygiene and brushing your teeth... who ever had the lesson on using a towel to wipe them off? I don't remember that. Disgusting. AND, no mention of toothpaste on the towel. I love toothpaste. Colgate, original. It is just the perfect amount of mintiness and you know I am a minty girl. 
Anyway... back to Jessica "Hygiene-Queen" Simpson.... I am so glad I'm not her dentist. Or her boyfriend. Or her friend. Or her second cousin. Or anyone remotely close to her. Wow.
No wonder Tony Romo kept blowing football games when they were together and she would watch from the stands. He could smell her down on the field! Talk about a distraction...
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
After the Love
Driving home late last night I caught a glimpse of something sad in the alley. There, next to the dumpster, was a sure sign that the romance has disappeared for one of my neighbors.
There it was. A valentine's teddy bear, thrown away like garbage.
But not even like garbage... I mean garbage at least makes it into the trash can!!! The owner of this bear must've been so over the teddy-bear-giver that she couldn't even bother to lift the lid...and make the effort to get the discarded love-token actually into the dumpster. So there it sits... next to the dumpster. Beat up and dirtied, waiting for a dog to come by and pee on it.
It inspired me to write a poem... a haiku if you will... in honor of this sad site:
Next to the Dumpster
She must hate his guts
Tossed away with pure disdain
Teddy bear trash heap
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Reality From The Road
I just spent 5 days driving from San Diego to St Louis and here are a few things I've learned from the experience:
1. Winds can be so bad that a semi truck can literally be bent in two by it in Arizona.
2. Storm chasers are real!!! I saw one - a very interesting vehicle looking like a home-made tank headed north in Kansas!
3. Men wear overalls in other parts of the country. I saw a lot of them. On men that were not wearing them for style or fashion points.
4. It is acceptable in Oklahoma to drive with a cigarette hanging from your mouth and a roll of toilet paper in your hand.
5. Dirt and Trucks go hand in hand. I saw so many red-dirk covered trucks out of Texas and Oklahoma it was insane. Not just a little dust, mind you, but full on mud and dirt covered in chunks all over the truck.
6. Miss America 1981 was born in Elk City, Oklahoma. It's true.
7. Kansas is "The Wheat State" and 1 Kansas farmer feeds 129 people.
8. Those California Cheese ads with the cows out grazing in the fields that are just soooo happy they're in California now - they are a big fat lie. The dairy farms in California (ahem, Land-o-Lakes in Hemet I'm talking to you) are big squares of dirt with a million cows per square inch. It's revolting. On the other hand... Angus beef in Texas, Oklahoma, and Kansas - huge spans of grassy fields dotted with cows here and there. Now THOSE are happy cows.
9. Phoenix has radar guns with cameras attached all over their freeways. So... either don't speed or wear a hat and glasses and pull the shade down.
10. Texas has some seriously fancy rest areas. You could practically live at one.
11. Toilet seat covers in public bathrooms - not something you find in every state! Gross, I know. So it is important to master the hover technique.
12. The most obnoxious baseball fan at a game will always sit right behind you screaming in a way that you think may damage you permanently. True in San Diego. True in Phoenix. True in Kansas City. I would like to find out if it is true in every single baseball stadium.
13. "Cracker Barrel" is code for "lots of butter."
14. Joe Mauer is huge. Ginormous. Billy Butler is not a small guy - and Joe next to him made him look like a little kid.
15. We are being ripped off in California for gas. $3.10 here is $2.62 in other parts of the country.
16. Speaking of country... if you like country music (and you know I do)... you are in luck driving cross-country! Most of the time there was a great country radio station available (or 5 or 6) even in the middle of nowhere! If you like other music... well... you may not be so lucky.
17. Garth Brooks is popular even though he has been retired... what... 10 years? He has a road named after him in Oklahoma. And a freeway exit. And he sings from the Jumbo Screen at the KC Royals games - "Friends In Low Places" a song that was played as the last song at my Jr. Prom. So... a long time ago.
18. Rudy's BBQ - get the brisket. Eat there whenever you see one. OH, and Braum's ice cream - get the black walnut. Eat there whenever you see one. Enough said.
19. New Mexico has a lot of trains. I saw 7 in one day. None made it into a photograph. Ha ha hahahah.... I'm so funny.
20. The Missouri River is wide... and kind of dirty looking.
1. Winds can be so bad that a semi truck can literally be bent in two by it in Arizona.
2. Storm chasers are real!!! I saw one - a very interesting vehicle looking like a home-made tank headed north in Kansas!
3. Men wear overalls in other parts of the country. I saw a lot of them. On men that were not wearing them for style or fashion points.
4. It is acceptable in Oklahoma to drive with a cigarette hanging from your mouth and a roll of toilet paper in your hand.
5. Dirt and Trucks go hand in hand. I saw so many red-dirk covered trucks out of Texas and Oklahoma it was insane. Not just a little dust, mind you, but full on mud and dirt covered in chunks all over the truck.
6. Miss America 1981 was born in Elk City, Oklahoma. It's true.
7. Kansas is "The Wheat State" and 1 Kansas farmer feeds 129 people.
8. Those California Cheese ads with the cows out grazing in the fields that are just soooo happy they're in California now - they are a big fat lie. The dairy farms in California (ahem, Land-o-Lakes in Hemet I'm talking to you) are big squares of dirt with a million cows per square inch. It's revolting. On the other hand... Angus beef in Texas, Oklahoma, and Kansas - huge spans of grassy fields dotted with cows here and there. Now THOSE are happy cows.
9. Phoenix has radar guns with cameras attached all over their freeways. So... either don't speed or wear a hat and glasses and pull the shade down.
10. Texas has some seriously fancy rest areas. You could practically live at one.
11. Toilet seat covers in public bathrooms - not something you find in every state! Gross, I know. So it is important to master the hover technique.
12. The most obnoxious baseball fan at a game will always sit right behind you screaming in a way that you think may damage you permanently. True in San Diego. True in Phoenix. True in Kansas City. I would like to find out if it is true in every single baseball stadium.
13. "Cracker Barrel" is code for "lots of butter."
14. Joe Mauer is huge. Ginormous. Billy Butler is not a small guy - and Joe next to him made him look like a little kid.
15. We are being ripped off in California for gas. $3.10 here is $2.62 in other parts of the country.
16. Speaking of country... if you like country music (and you know I do)... you are in luck driving cross-country! Most of the time there was a great country radio station available (or 5 or 6) even in the middle of nowhere! If you like other music... well... you may not be so lucky.
17. Garth Brooks is popular even though he has been retired... what... 10 years? He has a road named after him in Oklahoma. And a freeway exit. And he sings from the Jumbo Screen at the KC Royals games - "Friends In Low Places" a song that was played as the last song at my Jr. Prom. So... a long time ago.
18. Rudy's BBQ - get the brisket. Eat there whenever you see one. OH, and Braum's ice cream - get the black walnut. Eat there whenever you see one. Enough said.
19. New Mexico has a lot of trains. I saw 7 in one day. None made it into a photograph. Ha ha hahahah.... I'm so funny.
20. The Missouri River is wide... and kind of dirty looking.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Dent Art
There are a lot of fancy cars in the parking lot at work. A lot of regular cars too and one very vehicle that draws my attention like no other...
It's a minivan. White. Pretty basic. Tinted windows. Has an SDSU sticker on the back window.
And it has a big ol' dent on the left side rear behind the passenger door kind of over the back left tire.
It's a really odd place for a dent. I mean, it's not like he backed into something and smashed the car's tail light or something. It's not like he scratched the side of the door when he opened it too close to something. It's weird. It almost looks like a bowling ball was on a pendulum and swung into the side of the car to create the dent.
But more weird than the dent's location is that the dent has been... decorated... so to speak. There are four letters in gold stencil painting, like they were spray painted into the dent. Permanently, because they never go away even when it rains. D V N O see:
It's Dent Art. Seriously. DVNO. What do you think that means? It's so bizarre!!!
The driver, by the way, not so rough on the eyes, although he was probably in kindergarten when I was in high school... but I digress...
Guy with the Dent Art.... WHAT THE HECK? Stop by my office and let me know what the DVNO is all about! You take a plain white minivan to a whole new level.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
A Letter To My Neighbor
Dear neighbor in my very urban neighborhood,
While I am a morning person, I prefer the soft sound of a cat quietly yawning at my feet as a wake up call and not the ear-splitting ridiculous call of your rooster just an alley away from my open bedroom window.
I know it is shocking, but I do not want to be awake at 5am on the weekends... or even on the weekdays for that matter, and your lovely bird seems to have the lungs of a giant, able to crow for several hours straight all morning!
Silly me, living in the heart of one of the biggest cities in the United States, I didn't realize that Normal Heights was prime farming land where a rooster would be necessary!!! The cement had me fooled.
Don't get me wrong, I love roosters. Seriously, I love to eat chicken. Fowl is my favorite meat and chicken is my favorite fowl and I consider roosters to be of the same yummy edible quality as regular old chickens. My big black cat, he loves chicken too. We are big time fans of chick-fil-a. Yum yum good.
Also, did you know that the freeway is a wee one block away from us? It would not be difficult to imagine how an escaped rooster could wander into traffic. So... be careful!!! Maybe you should send him away to your uncle's sister-in-law's cousin's nephew in... say... Jamul? Just to be on the safe side of course.
Sincerely,
Suzy
While I am a morning person, I prefer the soft sound of a cat quietly yawning at my feet as a wake up call and not the ear-splitting ridiculous call of your rooster just an alley away from my open bedroom window.
I know it is shocking, but I do not want to be awake at 5am on the weekends... or even on the weekdays for that matter, and your lovely bird seems to have the lungs of a giant, able to crow for several hours straight all morning!
Silly me, living in the heart of one of the biggest cities in the United States, I didn't realize that Normal Heights was prime farming land where a rooster would be necessary!!! The cement had me fooled.
Don't get me wrong, I love roosters. Seriously, I love to eat chicken. Fowl is my favorite meat and chicken is my favorite fowl and I consider roosters to be of the same yummy edible quality as regular old chickens. My big black cat, he loves chicken too. We are big time fans of chick-fil-a. Yum yum good.
Also, did you know that the freeway is a wee one block away from us? It would not be difficult to imagine how an escaped rooster could wander into traffic. So... be careful!!! Maybe you should send him away to your uncle's sister-in-law's cousin's nephew in... say... Jamul? Just to be on the safe side of course.
Sincerely,
Suzy
Monday, April 5, 2010
Lamb Butt
So I was shopping in the grocery store the other day. VONS - a regular store, not some funky-crazy-specialty store. Minding my business, in the dairy section, looking for a little "you can't believe it's not butter" butter, when I saw something shocking.
So shocking that I picked it up to look closer.
So shocking that I started laughing hysterically in the middle of the store.
So shocking that I ripped open my purse and yanked out my camera and took a picture.
What could be so shocking you ask?
Butter...
sculptures...
that's right.... SCULPTURES...
in the shape of a lamb!!!!! A LAMB!
Seriously. What are you going to do with this? Put it on the table for Easter? A little kid would cry over this when you hack off a little buttery lamb butt to put on your roll. Or worse, when you decapitate it to butter-up your mashed potatoes. Lamb shaped butter. Who thinks of these things? They're creepy, these lambed-shaped butter sculptures.
They are a baaaa-d thing.
Monday, March 22, 2010
Gray Hair
So.... I have a few gray hairs. It's not a big deal, even though my hair is so dark that they really show up. I just try to pluck them and ultimately they get darkened with the hair-coloring so it's not a big deal.
However, on the glimmer of my 35th birthday I have now discovered one gray hair that bothers me more than all of the rest combined... because... it is in my eyebrow. The left eyebrow to be specific. At first I thought I must have a rouge blond hair it is so light shimmering in there. But no, it is gray.
My mom drilled into me all growing up that plucking your eyebrows would lead to having penciled-in eyebrows (which I don't want) and so I am leery to pluck it. And its not like I'm going to put hair dye on my eyebrow. That's insane.
Isn't it?
Or....
Is it? Should I dye my eyebrow over one little gray hair? Wouldn't I have to dye both of them? I dunno.... this feels like it is opening up a grooming can of worms that I do not want to open.
Gray eyebrow. Bite me.
However, on the glimmer of my 35th birthday I have now discovered one gray hair that bothers me more than all of the rest combined... because... it is in my eyebrow. The left eyebrow to be specific. At first I thought I must have a rouge blond hair it is so light shimmering in there. But no, it is gray.
My mom drilled into me all growing up that plucking your eyebrows would lead to having penciled-in eyebrows (which I don't want) and so I am leery to pluck it. And its not like I'm going to put hair dye on my eyebrow. That's insane.
Isn't it?
Or....
Is it? Should I dye my eyebrow over one little gray hair? Wouldn't I have to dye both of them? I dunno.... this feels like it is opening up a grooming can of worms that I do not want to open.
Gray eyebrow. Bite me.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Kohls - Friend and Nemesis
I love stickers. When junk mail comes with a sticker you can remove - I remove it even if I have no clue what the ad is for. However, sometimes I know what it is for and that's when it becomes a dangerous sticker.
When you have a Kohls' credit card, every month or so, Kohls sends out a little ad with a sticker that you can remove to reveal your "discount" for the new sale period. You get to choose 1 day to use your discount and it is either 15, 20, or 30%. And here's the best part - your discount is off of THE SALE PRICE. Yup, that's right - so this jacket is regularly $76, on sale for $38. When you take 30% off that makes it $26.60! Who can resist?
When you have a Kohls' credit card, every month or so, Kohls sends out a little ad with a sticker that you can remove to reveal your "discount" for the new sale period. You get to choose 1 day to use your discount and it is either 15, 20, or 30%. And here's the best part - your discount is off of THE SALE PRICE. Yup, that's right - so this jacket is regularly $76, on sale for $38. When you take 30% off that makes it $26.60! Who can resist?
Let me tell you, the 30% doesn't roll around very often - maybe once or twice a year at most! When you get a 30... the lure to shop is tremendous.
I got a 30% and this is the weekend included on the "applicable dates" and they are having a huge sale!!! I'm going to dinner to night at my friend's house who lives 1 block from Kohls. I want to shop. But seriously, I need nothing. But it seems like such a waste to throw away the 30 unused! Do you see my dilemma?
I got a 30% and this is the weekend included on the "applicable dates" and they are having a huge sale!!! I'm going to dinner to night at my friend's house who lives 1 block from Kohls. I want to shop. But seriously, I need nothing. But it seems like such a waste to throw away the 30 unused! Do you see my dilemma?
PLUS as an extra "lure" through today, when you spend $50 you get a $10 gift certificate to use next week! So if i spent $100 now, I'd have $20 free dollars - almost like yet ANOTHER 20% off!!!
Other people push the shopping too - my mom, my friend Anne, my sister-in-law, even my brother... all embrace the power of the 30%. My mom calls me when she gets one to ask if I need anything because she's got the magic 30.
What to do, what to do....
Maybe some shopping will clear my head?
Other people push the shopping too - my mom, my friend Anne, my sister-in-law, even my brother... all embrace the power of the 30%. My mom calls me when she gets one to ask if I need anything because she's got the magic 30.
What to do, what to do....
Maybe some shopping will clear my head?
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Haiku on a Thursday
It's been awhile since my last poem posting, so I thought I'd share some experiences from this week in my favorite way - Haiku.
SOUTHWEST
A call every day
Thirty minutes of crap ads
Blaring in my ear
SKI PANTS
Please fit tomorrow
When I put you on over
Warm flannel leggings
BASEBALL/FANTASY BASEBALL
The season starts soon
Bob wants me to start mock drafts
Trophy here I come
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Random Thoughts
1. Scott Lago shouldn't've been asked to leave Vancouver. Sheesh. It should be common sense - if the picture is of an Olympian celebrating and you think there is even the slightest chance that something could be seen as not something that Queen Elizabeth would find pleasant to look at, then don't publish the picture. :)
2. I have 20 books under my bed. I thought there would be 2 or 3 that had drifted from the mini pile next to my bed. I greatly miscalculated!!! How do they fling themselves off the short stack and under the bed? It's weird.
3. Why haven't I got my tax refund yet? It's February 21. I filed my taxes 3 weeks ago!!! Is this a sign that the IRS doesn't have any money to give out? The government seems to have money to give out to lots of other people...
4. My dad just got his first email address. I wonder if he'll be joining facebook soon too?
5. How long do girl scouts sell their cookies? I need those things out of sight. It's very difficult to go to the grocery store and buy a sensible snack like carrot sticks when you have to walk past the lure of the little girl and her yummy cookies. Thin mints. Who doesn't love em?
2. I have 20 books under my bed. I thought there would be 2 or 3 that had drifted from the mini pile next to my bed. I greatly miscalculated!!! How do they fling themselves off the short stack and under the bed? It's weird.
3. Why haven't I got my tax refund yet? It's February 21. I filed my taxes 3 weeks ago!!! Is this a sign that the IRS doesn't have any money to give out? The government seems to have money to give out to lots of other people...
4. My dad just got his first email address. I wonder if he'll be joining facebook soon too?
5. How long do girl scouts sell their cookies? I need those things out of sight. It's very difficult to go to the grocery store and buy a sensible snack like carrot sticks when you have to walk past the lure of the little girl and her yummy cookies. Thin mints. Who doesn't love em?
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Eye of the Tiger
I'm watching the men's halfpipe of the Olympics on TV.
It's the finals.
It's the 2nd/final run and there are two skiers left... Shaun White and Scott Lago.
The standings are Shaun White in 1st, some other guy in 2nd, Scott Lago in 3rd....
Scott Lago is at the top ready to go, knowing he already has the bronze but could potentially move up to silver (or gold, but let's be real)...
That's when it happened.
The commentator said "As some of us in the business like to say, he needs to reach down deep for the eye of the tiger."
uh.... what?
Was he trying to break the tension by creating humor? I mean, seriously?
reach down deep for the EYE OF THE TIGER???? What, exactly, is the eye of the tiger?
I played the song "Eye of The Tiger" in 5th grade on the piano at the elementary school recital. A long long time ago. So many years ago that Scott Lago was not even born. It was 1984/85. He was born in 1987.
There's also a gem called Tiger Eye. Sometimes I like to use tiger eye beads when I make a necklace.
Those are my only two experiences with eyes of tiger.
Maybe he meant when Tiger Woods gives a girl the eye and she can't resist and becomes mistress number 14?
Mysterious.
And hysterical!
It's the finals.
It's the 2nd/final run and there are two skiers left... Shaun White and Scott Lago.
The standings are Shaun White in 1st, some other guy in 2nd, Scott Lago in 3rd....
Scott Lago is at the top ready to go, knowing he already has the bronze but could potentially move up to silver (or gold, but let's be real)...
That's when it happened.
The commentator said "As some of us in the business like to say, he needs to reach down deep for the eye of the tiger."
uh.... what?
Was he trying to break the tension by creating humor? I mean, seriously?
reach down deep for the EYE OF THE TIGER???? What, exactly, is the eye of the tiger?
I played the song "Eye of The Tiger" in 5th grade on the piano at the elementary school recital. A long long time ago. So many years ago that Scott Lago was not even born. It was 1984/85. He was born in 1987.
There's also a gem called Tiger Eye. Sometimes I like to use tiger eye beads when I make a necklace.
Those are my only two experiences with eyes of tiger.
Maybe he meant when Tiger Woods gives a girl the eye and she can't resist and becomes mistress number 14?
Mysterious.
And hysterical!
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Common Sense
So the word on the street (yahoo news and google news) is that Evander Holyfield's wife is pressing charges against him because he hit her several times during an argument.
I'm not saying he has any right to do that. However, here's the thing... IF you marry a boxer who makes money/gains fame/gathers adoring female fans through his ability to hit other people with his fists until they pass out from the pain... why don't you think that, at some point, he won't do what comes naturally and hit you too?
I'm just sayin'...
I'm not saying he has any right to do that. However, here's the thing... IF you marry a boxer who makes money/gains fame/gathers adoring female fans through his ability to hit other people with his fists until they pass out from the pain... why don't you think that, at some point, he won't do what comes naturally and hit you too?
I'm just sayin'...
Monday, February 15, 2010
In Honor of V Day...
... some things I love this week:
1. Snow skiing on a sunny day with a fellow dare-devil. FANTASTIC weather this weekend and perfect snow conditions, what more could a girl ask for? I also discovered how dreadlocks are made: wild hair whipping in the wind + goggles-band + scarf = dreadlocks.
2. The Olympics. I loved the opening ceremonies. I think winter Olympics are my favorite!!! Bring on the ice skating and the moguls and the ski jump. How do they do that, by the way - the ski jump with the acrobatics in the air. Unbelievable.
3. The fact that my friend Nan had a bird fly down her chimney and I am not the only one with such weirdness happening to them! Mine was a pigeon, hers was a small bird... but still... birds down chimneys = common after all.
4. Blueberry coffee from 7-11. Try it. You'll love it. Not that I drink coffee anymore... I'm an herbal tea girl now. But, just in case I was drinking coffee a little bit, I might be drinking the blueberry coffee from 7-11. Maybe.
5. The Bachelor. I know it is trashy TV, but I love it. So entertaining. Plus they went to St Lucia for the fantasy dates and that is my favorite island. Seeing it made me want to go back for a visit. I could definitely stay at Le Sport. In case anyone has a free vacation just laying around.
1. Snow skiing on a sunny day with a fellow dare-devil. FANTASTIC weather this weekend and perfect snow conditions, what more could a girl ask for? I also discovered how dreadlocks are made: wild hair whipping in the wind + goggles-band + scarf = dreadlocks.
2. The Olympics. I loved the opening ceremonies. I think winter Olympics are my favorite!!! Bring on the ice skating and the moguls and the ski jump. How do they do that, by the way - the ski jump with the acrobatics in the air. Unbelievable.
3. The fact that my friend Nan had a bird fly down her chimney and I am not the only one with such weirdness happening to them! Mine was a pigeon, hers was a small bird... but still... birds down chimneys = common after all.
4. Blueberry coffee from 7-11. Try it. You'll love it. Not that I drink coffee anymore... I'm an herbal tea girl now. But, just in case I was drinking coffee a little bit, I might be drinking the blueberry coffee from 7-11. Maybe.
5. The Bachelor. I know it is trashy TV, but I love it. So entertaining. Plus they went to St Lucia for the fantasy dates and that is my favorite island. Seeing it made me want to go back for a visit. I could definitely stay at Le Sport. In case anyone has a free vacation just laying around.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Ode to a Robe
Oh purple fluffy robe,
I think you are amazing.
You keep me warm and cozy even when my house is freezing.
Your collar comes up to keep my neck from the cold.
Your pocket is deep to hold my cell phone.
Your belt is long enough my cat thinks it is a toy.
Your fuzziness and color bring me happiness and joy.
Oh purple fluffy robe,
I think you are amazing.
You keep me warm and cozy even when my house is freezing.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Interesting Food Tips
From my kitchen to yours...
1. If you get some lite cool whip and at the stage where it is halfway between frozen and defrosted, you take a spoon and stir it up like crazy... it becomes something like marshmallow fluff. AND it will stay that way as long as you refrigerate it, but still at low low calories.
2. Unlike beef jerky, turkey jerky stays soft for a long time, even after you open it. And cats think they want to try it, but they really don't... they just want to get really up close to you and sniff it while you eat it.
3. When you're starving, even the frozen vegies in your freezer in the "steam itself" bag look tasty. Ok, that's a lie. They still look unappealing. You should always try to have something tasty in your freezer for those "emergency" hunger strikes when you're too lazy to go to the grocery store. I recommend Lean Pockets Pepperoni Pizza. Seriously.
4. Suzy Q's can go stale before the date marked on their package. It's a crime.
5. The large bag of pancake mix at Costco is a lot larger than it looks. Unless you have 10 kids or plan to eat pancakes every day, it'll expire before you can use it all.
6. Vegie Chips. Air puffed into a vegie paste to make it look like a potato chip... who knew they could be so good?
7. Crock pot. Frozen Meatballs. Grape Jelly. Catsup. Turn it on, walk away, come back to deliciousness.
8. If you serve alcohol before you serve dinner, people will be more likely to love your dinner.
9. Bananas should only be considered mini-fruit. They don't have juice. If you feel like a fruit, go for an orange or something juicy - you'll be glad you did. But use one of those peelers on the orange because the oil from the rind can get into your eye and hurt like crazy.
10. Do not microwave fish to reheat it. Take 5 minutes to heat it up in a pan instead - you'll be glad you did, and so will all of your neighbors when they don't have to smell the microwaved fish nastiness coming out your windows and from your clothes.
1. If you get some lite cool whip and at the stage where it is halfway between frozen and defrosted, you take a spoon and stir it up like crazy... it becomes something like marshmallow fluff. AND it will stay that way as long as you refrigerate it, but still at low low calories.
2. Unlike beef jerky, turkey jerky stays soft for a long time, even after you open it. And cats think they want to try it, but they really don't... they just want to get really up close to you and sniff it while you eat it.
3. When you're starving, even the frozen vegies in your freezer in the "steam itself" bag look tasty. Ok, that's a lie. They still look unappealing. You should always try to have something tasty in your freezer for those "emergency" hunger strikes when you're too lazy to go to the grocery store. I recommend Lean Pockets Pepperoni Pizza. Seriously.
4. Suzy Q's can go stale before the date marked on their package. It's a crime.
5. The large bag of pancake mix at Costco is a lot larger than it looks. Unless you have 10 kids or plan to eat pancakes every day, it'll expire before you can use it all.
6. Vegie Chips. Air puffed into a vegie paste to make it look like a potato chip... who knew they could be so good?
7. Crock pot. Frozen Meatballs. Grape Jelly. Catsup. Turn it on, walk away, come back to deliciousness.
8. If you serve alcohol before you serve dinner, people will be more likely to love your dinner.
9. Bananas should only be considered mini-fruit. They don't have juice. If you feel like a fruit, go for an orange or something juicy - you'll be glad you did. But use one of those peelers on the orange because the oil from the rind can get into your eye and hurt like crazy.
10. Do not microwave fish to reheat it. Take 5 minutes to heat it up in a pan instead - you'll be glad you did, and so will all of your neighbors when they don't have to smell the microwaved fish nastiness coming out your windows and from your clothes.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Popcorn Madness
Why do microwaves have a popcorn button when it is never the right amount of time?
I popped a bag at home. My microwave's "popcorn" setting is for 1 min 45 seconds. It burnt my entire bag and stunk up my house. I had to make a second bag where I discovered that 1 min 30 seconds is apparently the magic amount of time.
I popped a bag at work where the microwave "popcorn" setting is for 2 minutes. Only about 1/4 of the bag popped... total waste!!! It seems like the work microwave needs a good 3 1/2 minutes or more to make the perfect popcorn bag.
What is this conspiracy????
What's the point of having a "popcorn" button on the microwave if it never actually makes the popcorn correctly? Is this a secret push from the microwave companies for us as a society to go back to the old ways of making popcorn in a pan over the stove? Were they paid off by Canola?
I have a popcorn pan and I know how to use it. It is probably a little healthier. I like popcorn popped on the stove, it reminds me of my Grandpa.
But still... what a waste of a button on the microwave.
I popped a bag at home. My microwave's "popcorn" setting is for 1 min 45 seconds. It burnt my entire bag and stunk up my house. I had to make a second bag where I discovered that 1 min 30 seconds is apparently the magic amount of time.
I popped a bag at work where the microwave "popcorn" setting is for 2 minutes. Only about 1/4 of the bag popped... total waste!!! It seems like the work microwave needs a good 3 1/2 minutes or more to make the perfect popcorn bag.
What is this conspiracy????
What's the point of having a "popcorn" button on the microwave if it never actually makes the popcorn correctly? Is this a secret push from the microwave companies for us as a society to go back to the old ways of making popcorn in a pan over the stove? Were they paid off by Canola?
I have a popcorn pan and I know how to use it. It is probably a little healthier. I like popcorn popped on the stove, it reminds me of my Grandpa.
But still... what a waste of a button on the microwave.
Monday, February 1, 2010
Over/Under of Cover Bands
There should be a law.
If you are a cover band, you must dress as authentically as possible and if that means a bad mullet wig, a ripped t-shirt and tight spandex glitter-pants with a star on the crotch - SO BE IT!
What a difference an outfit makes. It stirs up the crazy-town energy of the crowd. Not to mention that since it is a cover band and not the "actual" band, you can go see them at a venue that holds 300 instead of 30,000. At a small venue you can actually get to the front by the stage and maybe... you know... touch the singer's leg. Once or five times... I'm just saying - it is easier to get into it when you are close up and personal and when the band is in full character dressed to the hilt.
There should be another law.
If a lead singer needs a break in the middle of a set, NO "guitar solos" or 10-minute-guitar-riffs allowed. Period. Because seriously... no one likes them.
Admit it, unless you are an electric guitar player and you are envious of the 'talent' - you hate them too. I was there, rockin' out to a Van Halen cover band and the entire crowd was pumped up and full of energy. The lead singer obviously needed a little break. The guitarist played his way-too-long riff/solo/annoyance. You could feel the energy drain from the entire room. I was up next to the stage and I turned around and slowly scanned the crowd. No one looked excited or happy. Not one person. Irritated, yes. And bored. And like the entire crowd was sending up a little prayer to whatever god controls hair band cover bands that the lead singer would come back out and save us all.
I feel vindicated. I always am ashamed to admit I hate guitar riffs. But not anymore. I was there. I felt it.
So here it is, my over/under for Cover Bands -
Guitar Riffs -
Overrated
Glitter Spandex and Mullet Blonde Wigs -
Seriously Underrated
Who knew???
Friday, January 29, 2010
The Prize
Last week my brother calls me up and tells me something amazing. Not only do I have the money ($80?) and personal glory for being named the 2009 Fantasy Baseball Champion in our amazing fantasy league... but only 4 short months after the season ended, the ever-shocking CBS Sportsline has also mailed out a trophy. Woohoo! Who doesn't want a trophy?
At this point, my brother snickered and said "I accidentally broke a piece off, but it kind of makes it funnier." I begged and pleaded that he tell me what he meant... what could be broken off... a bat? a head? an arm? a number 1? what? He told me nothing.
Today, I received my prize. As you can see, it is a stunning likeness of me. Apparently, this is what Fantasy Baseball Champions look like complete with the 'stache to rival Tom Selleck, the flavor-saver-soul-patch of Jason Werth, throw-back Ray Bans from the 80's, a big pointy nose, and the fratboy wear-my-hat-backwards-cause-I'm-so-cool as a topper. I dare say it almost looks like Mike Piazza! Oh... and... the... what-the-heck-is-that on my trophy's hands???
I looked closer.... and then... W... T... F... !?!?!?!?
And then I remembered... wait... something broke off. And sure enough, there is a little champagne bottle that attaches under the hands and that "stuff" on the hands is the bubbly that is supposedly coming out of the top of the uncorked bottle.
Uh huh.
This little bottle was so small at the neck where it was attached it was begging to break off. You can barely see where it connected. It wanted to snap away from the trophy-man and leave behind just the cream-colored foamy bubbles resting on the hands of this stud. CBS Sportsline - some funny guys workin' there! **sigh**
Tell me... should I leave it as is, or reattach the little champagne bottle and am I a lunatic if I put it on my desk at work? Will I get fired? Or will it just make someone laugh...
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Phenomenon
I left work... I was walking to my car when I realized... I kind of had to go, you know, pee. But barely and you know how it is... I was already out the door and so I thought "eh, I'm only 6 miles from home, I can hold it."
So I did.
I was cold, so I popped on the seat warmer and started to feel toasty and happy... I was on the freeway halfway home. Not too much traffic, all was good. I sang with the radio. Lady Gaga - she's fantastic. I'm your biggest fan... yadda yadda...
I got home, parked, foodled around getting my stuff out of the car, finally locked the car and walked upstairs. I opened the front door and put down my stuff. I stopped to pet the cats and I flicked on the radio. I meandered my way into the bathroom.
And BOOM, that's when it hit. That's when the urge went from a 2 to a 10 in half a second. What is that about? Does this happen to other people? How come I have only a slight urge to go until I'm standing in front of the toilet and all of a sudden I'm having a panic attack about getting the zipper down quick enough?!?!? This is the strangest phenomenon. It can't just be me. Can it?
I made it. In case you were concerned.
Close call though...
So I did.
I was cold, so I popped on the seat warmer and started to feel toasty and happy... I was on the freeway halfway home. Not too much traffic, all was good. I sang with the radio. Lady Gaga - she's fantastic. I'm your biggest fan... yadda yadda...
I got home, parked, foodled around getting my stuff out of the car, finally locked the car and walked upstairs. I opened the front door and put down my stuff. I stopped to pet the cats and I flicked on the radio. I meandered my way into the bathroom.
And BOOM, that's when it hit. That's when the urge went from a 2 to a 10 in half a second. What is that about? Does this happen to other people? How come I have only a slight urge to go until I'm standing in front of the toilet and all of a sudden I'm having a panic attack about getting the zipper down quick enough?!?!? This is the strangest phenomenon. It can't just be me. Can it?
I made it. In case you were concerned.
Close call though...
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Movie Crimes
Is it ethical to hide your 50 cent candy bar in your purse when you go to the movies instead of spending 5 dollars on it there?
AMC theaters started a new policy in December of no outside food or drinks and they have a million signs posted everywhere and the 18 year old taking tickets will flat out deny you entrance in a very snotty way if you have so much as a coffee in your hand. It used to be that AMC let you carry in whatever you wanted. With this new rule, they have created a new set of criminals... food sneakers! If this were a felony, I would be in jail right now. I snuck in 2 fish tacos from Rubios AND a cupcake this weekend. They were delicious and I did not get caught.
I think the way that AMC is enforcing this is ridiculous. I realize that their profits were down last quarter and they make most of their money on the food/drinks... but if you want to sell more food and drinks, make them more appealing!!! The popcorn is good, but not as good as my mom's.... and everything else is just kind of gross-ish. Maybe if the food offered were tasty and unique (not a 7-11 hotdog) then people would buy more. And maybe if it were more reasonably priced, more people would partake! Wouldn't you be more tempted to buy something if it weren't 500% over market price?
In the meantime, I have gotten a bigger purse.
AMC theaters started a new policy in December of no outside food or drinks and they have a million signs posted everywhere and the 18 year old taking tickets will flat out deny you entrance in a very snotty way if you have so much as a coffee in your hand. It used to be that AMC let you carry in whatever you wanted. With this new rule, they have created a new set of criminals... food sneakers! If this were a felony, I would be in jail right now. I snuck in 2 fish tacos from Rubios AND a cupcake this weekend. They were delicious and I did not get caught.
I think the way that AMC is enforcing this is ridiculous. I realize that their profits were down last quarter and they make most of their money on the food/drinks... but if you want to sell more food and drinks, make them more appealing!!! The popcorn is good, but not as good as my mom's.... and everything else is just kind of gross-ish. Maybe if the food offered were tasty and unique (not a 7-11 hotdog) then people would buy more. And maybe if it were more reasonably priced, more people would partake! Wouldn't you be more tempted to buy something if it weren't 500% over market price?
In the meantime, I have gotten a bigger purse.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Haiku - A Beautiful Way to Share
I'm a fan of haiku poetry. It's sweet and to the point - 3 lines, a total of 17 syllables, pure and lovely. A simple way to express beauty and emotion. So on this blustery Friday night, here are five original haiku poems about the things that are currently on my mind.
Emotion often is the primary subject of a Haiku::
Emotion often is the primary subject of a Haiku::
Happiness
A margarita
On Friday night after work
Goodness for the soul.
Animals are often subjects of Haiku:
Kittens
Stop eating your puke
Why are cats so disgusting
Love them anyway.
Dreams are beautifully expressed in Haiku form:
Hope
Cheering for the Saints
Drew Brees is cute and he can
Make the pigskin fly.
Haiku is known for being about the weather:
Rain
My house is so cold
I contemplate a Snuggie
But they are heinous.
Haiku can be a great way to ponder a question:
Culprit
Could allergy eyes
Be caused by the carpet at
Work in my office?
As you can see, poetic beauty is all around us in the smallest of moments. Happy Friday!!!
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Rainy Days and Sundays...
Before I begin, I'd like to give a little shout-out to my neighbor who is reving his motorcycle engine over and over loudly outside my window at 1145pm on a Tuesday. Hi-de-ho neighbor!
Here, in the calm between crazy rain storm #2 and #3 this week, I'd like to say that in general... I love the rain. I like how it sounds on the roof at night. I like that I get to wear a coat and gloves. I like the way everything smells clean afterwards. I like how I have an excuse to drink hot chocolate. I like that everything seems peaceful. I like that it means that we're protected from fires. I like how it looks out the window through the trees. I like that I have a reason to light a fire in my fireplace. I love the rain and we rarely get it.
However, this is some serious crazy-town going on, and it is only day number 2!
My power at home has gone out two nights in a row.
The power at work went out Monday.
The San Diego River flooded.
The parking lot at work flooded Monday and a few cars had to be towed out.
A tree fell on two cars at work today in the other parking lot.
There was a tornado warning today for San Diego. If you're not from SD, this is like an earthquake warning in Kansas - it just doesn't happen.
So what's going on? Is this some sort of sign? Is the end coming? And then... I figured it out...
It is all of the tears collected from all of the fans who had their hopes and dreams crushed yet again when the Chargers blew the playoff game on Sunday. Bye Bye Superbowl Dreams and Hello RAIN!
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Riddle Me This
Last night I went to a comedy club and saw 7 comedians. Here's what I wonder...
Why are comedians male? Are women not funny??? My female friends are FUNNY.
When comedians talk about their own lives in TMI detail... how much of that is truth? Is it all truth, a little truth, or a downright lie that they just think they can work into a schtick?
Why is there always some lunatic woman in the crowd who laughs (and I say this as a loud laugher myself) really weird and loud and makes obnoxious comments to the comedian. Is this woman a plant??? Because she always seems to be sitting in a back corner and be totally wasted... but I never see anyone resembling that after the show is over.
What's with the self-laughing? One guy would stop mid sentence and chuckle to himself alot but he really wasn't that funny...
To my three readers... what are your thoughts?
Why are comedians male? Are women not funny??? My female friends are FUNNY.
When comedians talk about their own lives in TMI detail... how much of that is truth? Is it all truth, a little truth, or a downright lie that they just think they can work into a schtick?
Why is there always some lunatic woman in the crowd who laughs (and I say this as a loud laugher myself) really weird and loud and makes obnoxious comments to the comedian. Is this woman a plant??? Because she always seems to be sitting in a back corner and be totally wasted... but I never see anyone resembling that after the show is over.
What's with the self-laughing? One guy would stop mid sentence and chuckle to himself alot but he really wasn't that funny...
To my three readers... what are your thoughts?
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Top Ten on a Tuesday
I try to stay up with what's current in the world, but sometimes it is hard with such an overload of information out there on the web and me with less than huge amounts of free time to devote to it...
So instead of actually reading some news stories, why not go straight to the bullet points: Yahoo's current "Trending Now" top 10 searches. Yahoo knows what's important, right? So here it is - the most important things right now in the world according to the searches on Yahoo:
1. Katy Perry - Like I said, Yahoo knows what is important. Katy Perry is engaged to that creepy dude Russell Brandt.
2. Yellow Submarine - Just an old Beatles song? NO! It's a movie remake of the lives of the Beatles and the cast has just been announced! The only name I recognize is Cary Elwes, he of the "as you wish...." Princess Bride fame. Oh Wesley, don't screw up George Harrison please.
3. Detroit Auto Show - It starts today. Woo.
4. Pee Wee's Playhouse - Apparantly he has a live show starting today at Club Nokia in Los Angeles. How can that guy not ever change? Rumor is (from my brother) that he has a relative (I think his cousin) who is, or at least was, a professor at SDSU and she looks and sounds just like him. Crazy, huh?
5. Top Movies of 2009 - Was excited until I saw this list. I really loved only 2 of these (in green) so far. Here they are, the top 10, listed #10 to #1 - Ice Age: Dawn of Dinosaurs, Monsters vs Aliens, The Blind Side, Star Trek, The Hangover, Twilight: New Moon, Up, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, Avatar, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.
6. American Idol - Starts this week and *gasp* this is Simon's last season. Is he the reason everyone watches? I don't, by the way, watch. Except I do go online and watch the top 10 singers once they get down that far - just them singing, not the commentary or reaction or the cheesy group number or anything else. I love the web.
7. The Tonight Show - Jay Leno is tanking in his 10pm daily show, Conan O'Brien is tanking as the Tonight Show host, NBC is distraught, NBC is moving Jay to 1135pm and Conan's Tonight Show to 1205am, Jay says woohoo, Conan says no way Jose. Maybe my memory is cloudy... but didn't NBC force Jay to "retire" from the Tonight Show spot less than a year ago after naming his replacement/retirement date years ago in order to avoid confrontation and scandal and problems? Ironic.
8. Rozlyn Papa - The chick on The Bachelor that got booted off for "crossing boundaries" with a producer/staff member of the show. They have 1000 cameras everywhere. If she so much as kissed this producer guy, why don't they have it on tape to show? Because you know this show is all about showing the make out scenes. Conversation? No. Kissing? Yes.
9. John Demjanjuk - Interesting story here, he's going on trial in Germany for being an accomplice in the death of 27,900 Jews. Once thought to be Nazi guard Ivan the Terrible but then cleared of that, Demjanjuk is now thought to have been a guard at another Nazi concentration camp - Sobibor - in Poland.
10. 2010 NFL Draft - I thought this was the time of year when you could just cheer for your favorite team in the playoffs (Go Chargers!) not talk about next year's teams already! Yipes!
And there you have it. The most important things right now. I'm kinda surprised the 7.0 Earthquake in Haiti didn't make the list..... but, hey, who I am to argue with the people searching on Yahoo?
So instead of actually reading some news stories, why not go straight to the bullet points: Yahoo's current "Trending Now" top 10 searches. Yahoo knows what's important, right? So here it is - the most important things right now in the world according to the searches on Yahoo:
1. Katy Perry - Like I said, Yahoo knows what is important. Katy Perry is engaged to that creepy dude Russell Brandt.
2. Yellow Submarine - Just an old Beatles song? NO! It's a movie remake of the lives of the Beatles and the cast has just been announced! The only name I recognize is Cary Elwes, he of the "as you wish...." Princess Bride fame. Oh Wesley, don't screw up George Harrison please.
3. Detroit Auto Show - It starts today. Woo.
4. Pee Wee's Playhouse - Apparantly he has a live show starting today at Club Nokia in Los Angeles. How can that guy not ever change? Rumor is (from my brother) that he has a relative (I think his cousin) who is, or at least was, a professor at SDSU and she looks and sounds just like him. Crazy, huh?
5. Top Movies of 2009 - Was excited until I saw this list. I really loved only 2 of these (in green) so far. Here they are, the top 10, listed #10 to #1 - Ice Age: Dawn of Dinosaurs, Monsters vs Aliens, The Blind Side, Star Trek, The Hangover, Twilight: New Moon, Up, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, Avatar, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.
6. American Idol - Starts this week and *gasp* this is Simon's last season. Is he the reason everyone watches? I don't, by the way, watch. Except I do go online and watch the top 10 singers once they get down that far - just them singing, not the commentary or reaction or the cheesy group number or anything else. I love the web.
7. The Tonight Show - Jay Leno is tanking in his 10pm daily show, Conan O'Brien is tanking as the Tonight Show host, NBC is distraught, NBC is moving Jay to 1135pm and Conan's Tonight Show to 1205am, Jay says woohoo, Conan says no way Jose. Maybe my memory is cloudy... but didn't NBC force Jay to "retire" from the Tonight Show spot less than a year ago after naming his replacement/retirement date years ago in order to avoid confrontation and scandal and problems? Ironic.
8. Rozlyn Papa - The chick on The Bachelor that got booted off for "crossing boundaries" with a producer/staff member of the show. They have 1000 cameras everywhere. If she so much as kissed this producer guy, why don't they have it on tape to show? Because you know this show is all about showing the make out scenes. Conversation? No. Kissing? Yes.
9. John Demjanjuk - Interesting story here, he's going on trial in Germany for being an accomplice in the death of 27,900 Jews. Once thought to be Nazi guard Ivan the Terrible but then cleared of that, Demjanjuk is now thought to have been a guard at another Nazi concentration camp - Sobibor - in Poland.
10. 2010 NFL Draft - I thought this was the time of year when you could just cheer for your favorite team in the playoffs (Go Chargers!) not talk about next year's teams already! Yipes!
And there you have it. The most important things right now. I'm kinda surprised the 7.0 Earthquake in Haiti didn't make the list..... but, hey, who I am to argue with the people searching on Yahoo?
Monday, January 11, 2010
Oh Christmas Tree
My Christmas Tree is still up.
There, I said it. I admitted it in writing. To my two friends/readers who probably already knew anyway.
I asked the voice of wisdom (my mom) when, technically speaking, I should take down my tree. She said I could get away with keeping it up for the "12 Days of Christmas" which starts on December 25th so that means through January 6th, right? So I'm ok, right? Only 5 days behind "acceptable" behavior? Can't be too bad...
It's artificial, so there's no death and decay going on... just a little plastic-pine-needle-nibbling by my cat as he plops down underneath and stares up at the beauty that is My Christmas Tree.
I'm not the only one who is late to take it down either. This morning one of my neighbors snuck his tree down stairs and out back and leaned it in the tiny space next to the garbage dumpster even though the garbage/recycling/tree-taking man comes on Friday. To this neighbor who did it in the wee hours of the morning: Everybody knows it was you. The trail of dead pine needles is a give away. Just like in Harry Potter, there's a magic tool that can aid you in your trickery: a broom.
Here's the thing... if stores didn't start putting out decorations and decking their halls (ha ha, I crack myself up) in August, then maybe it wouldn't be so ridiculous to still have a little holiday spirit on January 11th still. August is awesome already with the warm beach and long days and outdoor concerts and baseball - it doesn't need Christmas too.
January doesn't have any of those things that August has. It's the start of the longest stretch of work without a Holiday (5 months between New Years and Memorial Day.) The days are short and the weather is cold (ok, it's 65 degrees here in San Diego, but still its colder) and I, for one, could use some pepping up in mid-January.
Why not with a tree and lights and a song about reindeer? And throw in a little eggnog too.
There, I said it. I admitted it in writing. To my two friends/readers who probably already knew anyway.
I asked the voice of wisdom (my mom) when, technically speaking, I should take down my tree. She said I could get away with keeping it up for the "12 Days of Christmas" which starts on December 25th so that means through January 6th, right? So I'm ok, right? Only 5 days behind "acceptable" behavior? Can't be too bad...
It's artificial, so there's no death and decay going on... just a little plastic-pine-needle-nibbling by my cat as he plops down underneath and stares up at the beauty that is My Christmas Tree.
I'm not the only one who is late to take it down either. This morning one of my neighbors snuck his tree down stairs and out back and leaned it in the tiny space next to the garbage dumpster even though the garbage/recycling/tree-taking man comes on Friday. To this neighbor who did it in the wee hours of the morning: Everybody knows it was you. The trail of dead pine needles is a give away. Just like in Harry Potter, there's a magic tool that can aid you in your trickery: a broom.
Here's the thing... if stores didn't start putting out decorations and decking their halls (ha ha, I crack myself up) in August, then maybe it wouldn't be so ridiculous to still have a little holiday spirit on January 11th still. August is awesome already with the warm beach and long days and outdoor concerts and baseball - it doesn't need Christmas too.
January doesn't have any of those things that August has. It's the start of the longest stretch of work without a Holiday (5 months between New Years and Memorial Day.) The days are short and the weather is cold (ok, it's 65 degrees here in San Diego, but still its colder) and I, for one, could use some pepping up in mid-January.
Why not with a tree and lights and a song about reindeer? And throw in a little eggnog too.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Deciding
Some decisions in life are simple and a no-brainer:
Like closing your eyes to kiss.
Like deciding to brush your teeth before you leave for work in the morning.
Like looking up some crazy ex from your past on facebook, checking out all of their pictures, and ultimately not sending them a friend request so they don't know you have looked at them at all.
Some decisions in life are tougher:
Like what to cook for a romantic dinner.
Like how long after December 25th can the tree stay up before you start looking like a weirdo.
Like should I write a blog and if I do then what should it be about and how do you start a blog and what's a good first topic.
I think creativity is good. Humor is better. Putting down in writing all of the mutterings of your mind, awesome. Maybe the decision to blog wasn't so tough!!!
So here goes... Happy New Month/Year/Decade, congratulations it is a blog!
Like closing your eyes to kiss.
Like deciding to brush your teeth before you leave for work in the morning.
Like looking up some crazy ex from your past on facebook, checking out all of their pictures, and ultimately not sending them a friend request so they don't know you have looked at them at all.
Some decisions in life are tougher:
Like what to cook for a romantic dinner.
Like how long after December 25th can the tree stay up before you start looking like a weirdo.
Like should I write a blog and if I do then what should it be about and how do you start a blog and what's a good first topic.
I think creativity is good. Humor is better. Putting down in writing all of the mutterings of your mind, awesome. Maybe the decision to blog wasn't so tough!!!
So here goes... Happy New Month/Year/Decade, congratulations it is a blog!
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