The Prize

Last week my brother calls me up and tells me something amazing. Not only do I have the money ($80?) and personal glory for being named the 2009 Fantasy Baseball Champion in our amazing fantasy league... but only 4 short months after the season ended, the ever-shocking CBS Sportsline has also mailed out a trophy. Woohoo! Who doesn't want a trophy?

At this point, my brother snickered and said "I accidentally broke a piece off, but it kind of makes it funnier." I begged and pleaded that he tell me what he meant... what could be broken off... a bat? a head? an arm? a number 1? what? He told me nothing.

Today, I received my prize. As you can see, it is a stunning likeness of me. Apparently, this is what Fantasy Baseball Champions look like complete with the 'stache to rival Tom Selleck, the flavor-saver-soul-patch of Jason Werth, throw-back Ray Bans from the 80's, a big pointy nose, and the fratboy wear-my-hat-backwards-cause-I'm-so-cool as a topper. I dare say it almost looks like Mike Piazza! Oh... and... the... what-the-heck-is-that on my trophy's hands???

I looked closer.... and then... W... T... F... !?!?!?!?

And then I remembered... wait... something broke off. And sure enough, there is a little champagne bottle that attaches under the hands and that "stuff" on the hands is the bubbly that is supposedly coming out of the top of the uncorked bottle.

Uh huh.

This little bottle was so small at the neck where it was attached it was begging to break off. You can barely see where it connected. It wanted to snap away from the trophy-man and leave behind just the cream-colored foamy bubbles resting on the hands of this stud. CBS Sportsline - some funny guys workin' there! **sigh**

Tell me... should I leave it as is, or reattach the little champagne bottle and am I a lunatic if I put it on my desk at work? Will I get fired? Or will it just make someone laugh...

Phenomenon

I left work... I was walking to my car when I realized... I kind of had to go, you know, pee. But barely and you know how it is... I was already out the door and so I thought "eh, I'm only 6 miles from home, I can hold it."

So I did.

I was cold, so I popped on the seat warmer and started to feel toasty and happy... I was on the freeway halfway home. Not too much traffic, all was good. I sang with the radio. Lady Gaga - she's fantastic. I'm your biggest fan... yadda yadda...

I got home, parked, foodled around getting my stuff out of the car, finally locked the car and walked upstairs. I opened the front door and put down my stuff. I stopped to pet the cats and I flicked on the radio. I meandered my way into the bathroom.

And BOOM, that's when it hit. That's when the urge went from a 2 to a 10 in half a second. What is that about? Does this happen to other people? How come I have only a slight urge to go until I'm standing in front of the toilet and all of a sudden I'm having a panic attack about getting the zipper down quick enough?!?!? This is the strangest phenomenon. It can't just be me. Can it?

I made it. In case you were concerned.

Close call though...

Movie Crimes

Is it ethical to hide your 50 cent candy bar in your purse when you go to the movies instead of spending 5 dollars on it there?

AMC theaters started a new policy in December of no outside food or drinks and they have a million signs posted everywhere and the 18 year old taking tickets will flat out deny you entrance in a very snotty way if you have so much as a coffee in your hand. It used to be that AMC let you carry in whatever you wanted. With this new rule, they have created a new set of criminals... food sneakers! If this were a felony, I would be in jail right now. I snuck in 2 fish tacos from Rubios AND a cupcake this weekend. They were delicious and I did not get caught.

I think the way that AMC is enforcing this is ridiculous. I realize that their profits were down last quarter and they make most of their money on the food/drinks... but if you want to sell more food and drinks, make them more appealing!!! The popcorn is good, but not as good as my mom's.... and everything else is just kind of gross-ish. Maybe if the food offered were tasty and unique (not a 7-11 hotdog) then people would buy more. And maybe if it were more reasonably priced, more people would partake! Wouldn't you be more tempted to buy something if it weren't 500% over market price?

In the meantime, I have gotten a bigger purse.

Haiku - A Beautiful Way to Share

I'm a fan of haiku poetry. It's sweet and to the point - 3 lines, a total of 17 syllables, pure and lovely. A simple way to express beauty and emotion. So on this blustery Friday night, here are five original haiku poems about the things that are currently on my mind.

Emotion often is the primary subject of a Haiku::

Happiness

A margarita

On Friday night after work

Goodness for the soul.

Animals are often subjects of Haiku:

Kittens

Stop eating your puke

Why are cats so disgusting

Love them anyway.

Dreams are beautifully expressed in Haiku form:

Hope

Cheering for the Saints

Drew Brees is cute and he can

Make the pigskin fly.

Haiku is known for being about the weather:

Rain

My house is so cold

I contemplate a Snuggie

But they are heinous.

Haiku can be a great way to ponder a question:

Culprit

Could allergy eyes

Be caused by the carpet at

Work in my office?

As you can see, poetic beauty is all around us in the smallest of moments. Happy Friday!!!

Rainy Days and Sundays...

Before I begin, I'd like to give a little shout-out to my neighbor who is reving his motorcycle engine over and over loudly outside my window at 1145pm on a Tuesday. Hi-de-ho neighbor!

Here, in the calm between crazy rain storm #2 and #3 this week, I'd like to say that in general... I love the rain. I like how it sounds on the roof at night. I like that I get to wear a coat and gloves. I like the way everything smells clean afterwards. I like how I have an excuse to drink hot chocolate. I like that everything seems peaceful. I like that it means that we're protected from fires. I like how it looks out the window through the trees. I like that I have a reason to light a fire in my fireplace. I love the rain and we rarely get it.

However, this is some serious crazy-town going on, and it is only day number 2!
My power at home has gone out two nights in a row.
The power at work went out Monday.
The San Diego River flooded.
The parking lot at work flooded Monday and a few cars had to be towed out.
A tree fell on two cars at work today in the other parking lot.
There was a tornado warning today for San Diego. If you're not from SD, this is like an earthquake warning in Kansas - it just doesn't happen.

So what's going on? Is this some sort of sign? Is the end coming? And then... I figured it out...

It is all of the tears collected from all of the fans who had their hopes and dreams crushed yet again when the Chargers blew the playoff game on Sunday. Bye Bye Superbowl Dreams and Hello RAIN!

Riddle Me This

Last night I went to a comedy club and saw 7 comedians. Here's what I wonder...

Why are comedians male? Are women not funny??? My female friends are FUNNY.

When comedians talk about their own lives in TMI detail... how much of that is truth? Is it all truth, a little truth, or a downright lie that they just think they can work into a schtick?

Why is there always some lunatic woman in the crowd who laughs (and I say this as a loud laugher myself) really weird and loud and makes obnoxious comments to the comedian. Is this woman a plant??? Because she always seems to be sitting in a back corner and be totally wasted... but I never see anyone resembling that after the show is over.

What's with the self-laughing? One guy would stop mid sentence and chuckle to himself alot but he really wasn't that funny...

To my three readers... what are your thoughts?

Top Ten on a Tuesday

I try to stay up with what's current in the world, but sometimes it is hard with such an overload of information out there on the web and me with less than huge amounts of free time to devote to it...

So instead of actually reading some news stories, why not go straight to the bullet points: Yahoo's current "Trending Now" top 10 searches. Yahoo knows what's important, right? So here it is - the most important things right now in the world according to the searches on Yahoo:

1. Katy Perry - Like I said, Yahoo knows what is important. Katy Perry is engaged to that creepy dude Russell Brandt.

2. Yellow Submarine - Just an old Beatles song? NO! It's a movie remake of the lives of the Beatles and the cast has just been announced! The only name I recognize is Cary Elwes, he of the "as you wish...." Princess Bride fame. Oh Wesley, don't screw up George Harrison please.

3. Detroit Auto Show - It starts today. Woo.

4. Pee Wee's Playhouse - Apparantly he has a live show starting today at Club Nokia in Los Angeles. How can that guy not ever change? Rumor is (from my brother) that he has a relative (I think his cousin) who is, or at least was, a professor at SDSU and she looks and sounds just like him. Crazy, huh?

5. Top Movies of 2009 - Was excited until I saw this list. I really loved only 2 of these (in green) so far. Here they are, the top 10, listed #10 to #1 - Ice Age: Dawn of Dinosaurs, Monsters vs Aliens, The Blind Side, Star Trek, The Hangover, Twilight: New Moon, Up, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, Avatar, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.

6. American Idol - Starts this week and *gasp* this is Simon's last season. Is he the reason everyone watches? I don't, by the way, watch. Except I do go online and watch the top 10 singers once they get down that far - just them singing, not the commentary or reaction or the cheesy group number or anything else. I love the web.

7. The Tonight Show - Jay Leno is tanking in his 10pm daily show, Conan O'Brien is tanking as the Tonight Show host, NBC is distraught, NBC is moving Jay to 1135pm and Conan's Tonight Show to 1205am, Jay says woohoo, Conan says no way Jose. Maybe my memory is cloudy... but didn't NBC force Jay to "retire" from the Tonight Show spot less than a year ago after naming his replacement/retirement date years ago in order to avoid confrontation and scandal and problems? Ironic.

8. Rozlyn Papa - The chick on The Bachelor that got booted off for "crossing boundaries" with a producer/staff member of the show. They have 1000 cameras everywhere. If she so much as kissed this producer guy, why don't they have it on tape to show? Because you know this show is all about showing the make out scenes. Conversation? No. Kissing? Yes.

9. John Demjanjuk - Interesting story here, he's going on trial in Germany for being an accomplice in the death of 27,900 Jews. Once thought to be Nazi guard Ivan the Terrible but then cleared of that, Demjanjuk is now thought to have been a guard at another Nazi concentration camp - Sobibor - in Poland.

10. 2010 NFL Draft - I thought this was the time of year when you could just cheer for your favorite team in the playoffs (Go Chargers!) not talk about next year's teams already! Yipes!

And there you have it. The most important things right now. I'm kinda surprised the 7.0 Earthquake in Haiti didn't make the list..... but, hey, who I am to argue with the people searching on Yahoo?

Oh Christmas Tree

My Christmas Tree is still up.

There, I said it. I admitted it in writing. To my two friends/readers who probably already knew anyway.

I asked the voice of wisdom (my mom) when, technically speaking, I should take down my tree. She said I could get away with keeping it up for the "12 Days of Christmas" which starts on December 25th so that means through January 6th, right? So I'm ok, right? Only 5 days behind "acceptable" behavior? Can't be too bad...

It's artificial, so there's no death and decay going on... just a little plastic-pine-needle-nibbling by my cat as he plops down underneath and stares up at the beauty that is My Christmas Tree.

I'm not the only one who is late to take it down either. This morning one of my neighbors snuck his tree down stairs and out back and leaned it in the tiny space next to the garbage dumpster even though the garbage/recycling/tree-taking man comes on Friday. To this neighbor who did it in the wee hours of the morning: Everybody knows it was you. The trail of dead pine needles is a give away. Just like in Harry Potter, there's a magic tool that can aid you in your trickery: a broom.

Here's the thing... if stores didn't start putting out decorations and decking their halls (ha ha, I crack myself up) in August, then maybe it wouldn't be so ridiculous to still have a little holiday spirit on January 11th still. August is awesome already with the warm beach and long days and outdoor concerts and baseball - it doesn't need Christmas too.

January doesn't have any of those things that August has. It's the start of the longest stretch of work without a Holiday (5 months between New Years and Memorial Day.) The days are short and the weather is cold (ok, it's 65 degrees here in San Diego, but still its colder) and I, for one, could use some pepping up in mid-January.

Why not with a tree and lights and a song about reindeer? And throw in a little eggnog too.

Deciding

Some decisions in life are simple and a no-brainer:
Like closing your eyes to kiss.
Like deciding to brush your teeth before you leave for work in the morning.
Like looking up some crazy ex from your past on facebook, checking out all of their pictures, and ultimately not sending them a friend request so they don't know you have looked at them at all.

Some decisions in life are tougher:
Like what to cook for a romantic dinner.
Like how long after December 25th can the tree stay up before you start looking like a weirdo.
Like should I write a blog and if I do then what should it be about and how do you start a blog and what's a good first topic.

I think creativity is good. Humor is better. Putting down in writing all of the mutterings of your mind, awesome. Maybe the decision to blog wasn't so tough!!!

So here goes... Happy New Month/Year/Decade, congratulations it is a blog!